I radiated joy when I was younger. My family was abusive but I had a clear understanding of who I was and where I wanted to be.
I was very strong and perseverant, walking towards my goal.
But physical illness suddenly happen, all the emotional neglect, sexual abuse, lack of affection eventually started affecting my body. The severity of my physical pain was unbereable. My family and friends complety ignored my pain.
Despite the horrible pain I went to school and worked. My purpose in life was to heal from the abuse, then marry a man that I admired and respect and build a beautiful home. Break the cycle of abuse of my home.
I met this man during this period of time. He admired my strenght and perseverance. But I didnt admire him at all. Didnt love him at all.
I needed a friend, to lean on. But he wanted me for him. I needed strenght to acomplish my goals, but he didnt wanted to help me, he wanted to have me.
After years of fighting I completly lost my strenght. Couldnt do it alone anymore.
He knew I didnt love him. But he wanted to have me so bad he didnt care.
I know I shouldnt have married him, but what he did was also abusive, yet everyone blames me for that marriage. Because “he loved me”
How could that be love? When you tell this person how miserable that marriage will make you, when you cry and tell him how much you honestly dont want ot be with him? when he tells you to settle for him because you have no other choices?
That is not love, that is selfish love isnt it? possesion, control, lack of self-esteem, emotional abusiveness
why all blame me? if his “love” was destructive, when his “love” didnt care for my needs
I got pregnant in this marriage. I was taking care of myself, but it happened. This child will obviously not be happy. My child suffering brings horrible pain to me.
Now I am divorced. Complety broken. If my child suffers I suffer.
My life will never be good, how can it be???
Okay. Sympathy isnt going to work here. So lets get hard. Suffering is a choice. Dont tel me its not. You throw anything from your life out there, and Ill show you people with that and worse who are happy. Theyre not lucky. They just realized that great truth that you dont have to suffer, and they set out to find their way to making that a reality for them. You will either do that, too, or you wont, and that and that alone will determine what your life will really be like. Lots of people never set out to find their way. Lots of people do. Thats all that makes them different.